Buckling under the urge to fit in!

How often have you been drawn into thinking about stories of how those around us feel about us?

That's a trap.

You are more worried about others' views of you than your own. Just as you do, you begin to lose agency with yourself.

Understandably, you are trying to fit in with the peer circle. You want to be acceptable and amenable to others' points of view.

That is fair. But know that you are buckling under the urge to fit in.

You lose your originality as you adapt to others' views. It's a syndrome we all suffer. Even those who work with us!

The excellent trick to cure this is to learn to see who should have the agency. And then place it back where it belongs!

Comments

Checks and balances!

Defining a good purpose, setting a target goal and getting people working on them is usually not enough! There are too many aspects involved in getting the results we want. For example, there is an aspect of painting the big picture, working on motivation management, productivity tracking, building experimentation labs, and erecting resilient systems that systematize the workflows. Just putting bodies to work and defining milestones rarely achieves the right results. The other aspects that help march towards the milestones in an orderly manner, they are equally important. At the very least, they make objectives widely understandable and results more attainable. The job of a thought leader is to enable progress and enable recovery. Therefore, it is never enough to have just ideas. Those with ideas also have the responsibility to assemble the work environment in such a way as to create situations containing the energy disperses. Energy dispersal from lack of clarity, loss of motivation, ...

Choking the communication channel.

There are instances where everything looks in order. Structures are rightly in place. Right roles are defined. Responsibilities are distributed. Bi-directional open communication is expected to take place. And with that, collective work is expected to turn out productive. Yet, when the action begins, everything breaks apart. Productivity dwindles, cooperation is missing, and ad-hoc interactions are common-place That creates chaos. No one appears in charge even though there is someone responsible. It clearly is a sign of broken communication channels. A well-orchestrated workplace focuses on methods to communicate grounds-up and top-down. It encourages patient listening, internalizing and responding rather than reacting. All effective open communication channels are a result of making such communication possible. Often, the structures are set such that you centralize communication of every bit of your activity to someone in the hierarchy. Over time it turns into a permission-based inter...

Liked? Or Respected?

It is easy to bend backwards and accomodate others. When you do so, it is obvious to generate affection that leads to you being likeable. You tend to be always available, seek others' attention more that what your needs are for yourself, or do things to transactionally connect with others. As long as you continue doing what others prefer, you are sure to be liked! And who does not like to liked like that! People pleasing acts have huge downsides. It is different when you set boundaries, take a principled stand about when do you indulge with collaborative activity involving others and when you focus on your priorities. Principles drive energies, brings rigor and sets responsibilities. It is governed with consistency and you come across that uniform, thought and consistent in any and every situation as against preferential. Obviously, principled person is hard to pierce into. When you do, you will discover rythem of clear communication, prioritisation, importance of building long-ter...

Bamboo In The Wind

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